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Each conversation is approached in three “movements”

 Discern— Mentors/Mentees choose what will be discussed (either the week before to prepare or near the beginning of a conversation).

  • First, the mentor should listen to the student for a while before deciding on a topic:

    • Where did the student have a sense of good connection to God/others this week?  Where did they feel the most disconnection?

    • Follow up questions on previous discussions.

  • Choose a posture, then a topic within that posture.

    • Within each topic, options will be given which will include: questions, exercises found in the Shaping book, media, scripture passages to explore, etc.

    • These should be chosen according to what seems relevant in the season of life the emerging adult is in rather than being done in the order they are listed.      


Dialogue— This is the Intentionality Step. The Mentor/Mentee use the conversation starter resources to enter into a discussion.

  • The mentor should seek a posture of learning/listening to the young adult. Explore what they are thinking and learning.

  • The mentor should focus on sharing their own learning in that topic as well as their life experiences rather than on solving a problem or giving advice.


Reflect— Each person reflects.  The mentor may do additional reflection after.

  • Encounter Reflection What was gained from the encounter? The mentor should seek to bring the topic around to focus on growth toward the particular posture, i.e. (Mentor should answer too!)

    • How has what we discussed helped you understand (or move more toward) trusting God’s wisdom in this area?

    • How has our discussion helped you be more at peace with submitting to God’s leadership/perspective/desires for you in this area?

    • What have you learned about loving like Christ from our conversation today? Or where do you sense God is leading you to grow in your ability to love from today’s conversation?

  • Relational Reflection After discussing growth in the posture, the pair may choose to choose a way to act:

    • Reflection moment in silence on what was gained in order to give it impact/let the Holy Spirit speak. 

    • Praying -thanking God for what was gained or learned or celebrated, lifting up prayer requests

    • Meta-communication (sharing “what I appreciated about this conversation with you”)

  •  New Discernment Reflection: What posture/topic will we discuss next?

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