Reflection Options  

Journal  (Reflect on one or more of these questions)

• Write a list of the commonly occurring disagreements, stress points or disappointments you face in your marriage.  Look for underlying patterns.  Rank them in order of importance.  Lift them up to the Lord and ask him to help you gain a different perspective in the areas where you struggle to get along with your spouse. 

• What are the things that attracted you to your spouse in the first place?  What are the things that keep you from appreciating those things now about your spouse?  Think of ways to regularly ponder on the positives in your relationship/spouse and spend time thanking God for them. 

• Ask God to reveal to you how your attitude, actions, or words are contributing to tension in your marriage.  Which things might you need to work on or ask forgiveness for? 

Quote Interaction (Agree, disagree or otherwise engage with the quote/quotes)

• The biblical union of two people into one flesh did not involve the annihilation of personal identity. The unity of marriage is not to be monistic but a unity in duality.  (R. C. Sproul)

• When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now. (C. S. Lewis) 

• To have peace and love in a marriage is a gift that is next to the knowledge of the gospel. (Martin Luther) 

• [Regarding marriage:] First, he must choose his love, and then he must love his choice. (A Puritan Golden Treasury) 

Reading and reflection on Shaping The Journey of Emerging Adults: 

• Read "The Development of Emerging Adults" (pp. 26-29).  Do you relate more, internally, with the description of the pre-adult, provisional adult or functional adult stage? What do you think your spouse relates most to? How does your perception of your stage of development affect the way you relate to your spouse?

• Read about Lisette and Roger's story in "The Landscape of Emerging Adults" (pp. 29-33--note the section on "Instability").  What kinds of instability do you experience? How does that instability produce tension in your marriage? How have you navigated that tension? 

• Read "Trusting God's Self-Portrait" (pp. 173-176).  What tension exists in your marriage with regard to sex? How strong is your and your spouse's vision for biblical sexuality? Do you have different understandings of the meaning or purpose of sex in your relationship? What conversations do you need to initiate around that?