Christlife Posture: Loving Like Jesus

Topic: Boundaries for Healthy Relating

Suggested Approach: Choose 1 thing from each of the three boxes

OR Choose 1 from Media or Reflection + 1 from Scripture 

Media Excursions         (Watch/read/listen and be ready to discuss Q's)

Photographs

  • Photo 1,  Photo 2. What do these two photos tell you about the purpose of boundaries?  Watch the Playground Study (KuneoDallas) to continue to think about this.

Video Clip

  • Understanding Boundaries (Y2AM) Have you seen or could you relate to any of the examples/skits?

  • The Playground Study Boundaries (KuneoDallas) are often talked about as appropriate “fences” (vs. walls).  If you think of relationships as the "playground" in this study, what effect might not having boundaries have on your relationships?

Song

  • Prayer for a Friend (Casting Crowns) How does this song show appropriate boundaries in caring for a friend? Use this song as a prayer to pray for someone you need to give into God's hands. 

Articles  

  • (Friendships): 7 Trademarks of an Unhealthy Friendship (Paul Trip)  Which of these were most convincing for you? Could you relate to any of his three resulting emotions? If so, take a moment to dwell on his response to that emotion. 

  • (Friendships): How to set healthy boundaries in relationships (C. McDowell) What insights were most helpful for you?

  • (Dating Relationships): On Emotional, Physical and Digital Boundaries  (Love is Respect)  Which of the three types of boundaries have you been successful in? Which haven't you? What difference has (or can) it make in your dating relationship?

  • (Marriage Relationships) How to Set Boundaries in Your Marriage (Laurie) Do any of these nine boundaries surprise you? Share about which ones are strengths and which ones are weaknesses for you. 

  • (Marriage Relationships) Paper Fences: The Boundaries We Fail to Set in Marriage (Dr. David Hawkins) Why are boundaries important in marriage relationships? How are boundaries "ordained by God"?  On the list of healthy boundaries, which ones are hard for you to set in marriage? 

  • (All relationships) Establishing Healthy Boundaries (C. Leech) Scroll down to find this article (pdf) under the heading of RELATIONSHIPS. This article includes questions to help you establish if you have unhealthy relational boundaries or characteristics of healthy intimate relationships.  Spend time considering your answers. 

Online Resource

  • (Dating Relationships): Look over this “Power and Control Wheel”.  Have you seen any of these warning signs in your dating relationships? If you talked with them about it, how did they respond?  Talk this over with your mentor.

Reflection Options  

Journal   (Reflect on one or more of the questions) 

  • When is it most difficult for you to say “no” to others? What happens inside you when you want to say no but you end up saying yes?

  • Have you ever “spiritualized” not having boundaries? What did that look like?

  • Do you think God has boundaries?  Did Jesus? What were they? What would it mean to be like Jesus in the area of relational boundaries?

Quote Interaction  (Agree, disagree or otherwise engage with the quote/quotes)

  • You get what you tolerate.  (Henry Cloud)

  • Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.  (Brené Brown)

Reading & Reflection from the book, Shaping The Journey of Emerging Adults:

  • Read about Jerry and Molly (p. 164). They experienced an extreme consequence of “soft” physical boundaries. Name a boundary in your own life you struggle with and list the possible consequences of not respecting (or asking others to respect) that boundary.

  • Look up “Setting Healthy Boundaries” (pp. 229-230). Evaluate yourself either with regard to the caring myths, or in regard to being responsible to others and not for others.

  • Mentor: Read “The Christlife in Sexuality” (pp. 179-183). What do you learn from this section about a compassionate but helpful response to poor boundaries. Be ready to share what you learned with the young adult and ask if they think your insights would be helpful to them or others who have crossed physical boundaries.

Explore Scripture

Meditate on one or more of the following passages. Always look them up in context.  Take some time to really explore the verse in relation to this topic.  How does God encourage us to have boundaries? How does He model boundaries with us?  Make a note of what you discover to share later.  See "Learn More About Ways to Study Scripture" below for help in getting the most out of the verse.

  • Genesis 39

  • Matthew 5:37

  • Luke 5:12-16

  • 2 Corinthians 9:6-8

  • Ephesians 4:1-7, 17-32

  • Galatians 1:10

  • I Peter 2:15-17