Christlife Posture: Loving Like Jesus

Topic: Learning to Listen Well

Suggested Approach: Choose 1 thing from each of the three boxes

OR Choose 1 from Media or Reflection + 1 from Scripture 

Media Excursions (Watch/read/listen and be ready to discuss Q's)

TV Show Clip

  •  Please Pass the Butter (Big Bang Theory) In this funny clip, what indicated that Amy was not listening well? How did she change her behaviors to show she was listening? If you have been in a conversation where the person was talking about something you didn’t care about, how did you respond? What real ideas can you take away from this short clip?


  • Informative Info Graphic Communication Skills-Deep Conversations (Improvement Pill) What things from this video are helpful for you to learn or be reminded of? How do you think that meditation (or prayer) might help us become more focused listeners?


  • Unpack Your Heart (Phillip Phillips)  What would you find particularly inviting in these words? How could you use some of these thoughts to invite someone else to share themselves with you?


  • Your Relationships All Have the Same Problem (Jade Mazarin) Do you agree at the importance the author places on this one thing? How have you seen it come into play in your own life? What was helpful for you in this article?

  • Masters of Love (Emily E. Smith) Do you agree with the results of this study?  Do you think this is true of both marriage relationships and good friendships? Which kind of listening response do you find you practice most often? How can you improve?

  • Six Lessons in Good Listening (David Mathis) Which Bonhoeffer quote from this article stood out to you the most? Where do you think you could improve in one of these 6 areas?

Video Teaching

  • 5 Ways to Listen Better (TED talk, Julian Treasure) Do you agree that in order to live fully we need to learn to listen consciously? How important is listening to your spiritual health?

Reflection Options  

Journal  (reflect on one or more of these questions)

  • After reading one of the articles listed, journal about which skills you think you excel in and which ones you want to improve.  Then go try one or two things out in a conversation and journal about how it went.

  • Reflect on a time someone listened to you in a way that allowed you to feel valued and understood.  What kinds of things did they say? Do? What was their attitude, tone or body language?

  • Reflect on Jesus as a listener.  Can you come up with some examples of ways that he listened to those he was ministering to?  What did it look like?

Quote Interaction (Agree, disagree or otherwise engage with the quote/quotes)

  • "The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said." Peter F. Drucker

  • “The first duty of love is to listen.” Paul Tillich

  • "To say that a person feels listened to means a lot more than just their ideas get heard. It's a sign of respect. It makes people feel valued."  Deborah Tannen

  • “Listening is a form of spiritual hospitality by which you invite strangers to become friends, to get to know their inner selves more fully, and even to dare to be silent with you." Henri Nouwen

Reading & Reflection from the book, Shaping The Journey of Emerging Adults

  • Read “Teach Specific Skills for Healthy Relating” (pp. 158-160) Are there skills listed in the text or the bullet points that you want to know more about? Create a list of some of the relating skills you aren’t confident in and ask 3 people for feedback on how well you are doing at those things.

  • Read “Talk Less and Pause More” (pp. 160-161).  Evaluate your ability to sit silently or allow silence with others.  How can you challenge yourself in this area?

  • Mentor: Read “Understanding Discernment” and “Strategies for Discernment” (pp. 77-86). Identify as many ways as you can find that practicing good discernment in disciple making is connected to being a good listener.

Explore Scripture

Meditate on one or more of the following passages. Always look them up in context.  Take some time to really explore the verse in relation to this topic.  What do these verses say either about listening or the attitude we should bring to listening to others?  Make a note of what you discover to share later.  See "Learn More About Ways to Study Scripture" below for help in getting the most out of the verse.

  • Proverbs 6:20

  • Proverbs 18:2, 13

  • Proverbs 20:5

  • Romans 12:10

  • Galatians 6:9,10

  • Philippians 2:3-5

  • Colossians 3:12

  • I Thessalonians 5:11

  • Titus 3:2

  • James 1:19, 26